My friend JC suggested that I use an old army 'trick' to give me a visual representation of the fluctuations I go through - in his soldiering days, JC was used to seeing troops use such a visual representation known as The Readiness Wheel. 

I thought it was a brilliant idea, especially since I am a visual person, but I could not draw the wheel that I knew I needed so I got my talented son on the case. Not only does he understand the use of colour because he is an artist, but he also understands depression because he has lived with it all his life. (Interesting how depressive illnesses get passed on down the generations - four generations in my case). On top of all that, my son also knows me very well.

And so he came up with this colour wheel which I have entitled my Bi-Polar Survival Wheel - a little dramatic perhaps but it does hit the truth. I have added the areas that match my experience, in the coloured areas that match how they feel to me.

This wheel works very well for me because it doesn't over simplify everything in black and white terms. What it says very clearly is that I must be vigilant and not let myself get too close to the darkest inner wheels: I must seek help before I reach the black hole. This is true for which ever area of the wheel I feel I am in.

I use a little piece of blue tack which I move around the wheel on a daily basis (or more frequently if I feel the fluctuating need for it) and it helps me to 'paint' my state of being, to express it without words. As much as I love language and writing, this is somehow very restful.

If you (or someone you know) would like to use this wheel in your own blog, your website, or whatever else, please feel free to use it - I have attached it as a JPG file for you. All I ask is that you acknowledge where you got it from.

Doing wheelies can indeed be great fun!  

Thank you JC and thank you my darling son.