My counsellor J has just started studying for a qualification in CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. My psychiatrist has referred me for CBT so I am very interested in it, both from a personal perspective and from a professional one. There is a very long waiting list for CBT within psychiatric care so this is yet another good opportunity for me to exercise patience...

My friend JC suggested that I use an old army 'trick' to give me a visual representation of the fluctuations I go through - in his soldiering days, JC was used to seeing troops use such a visual representation known as The Readiness Wheel. 

Personal Ecology is a proprietary model of human behaviours which has been developed over the last four years by Human Ecology through research at Oxford University.

Personal Ecology models human behaviours against seven dimensions:

Why do I always find it so difficult to cry when I feel very low? What is stopping me from letting the tears flow?

As I let myself ponder these questions, a few thoughts are making their appearance thus:

In the intellectual and emotional intelligence stakes, I consider myself to be reasonably well equipped.  In the physical intelligence department, I am a dullard, an ignoramus, a Physical Idiot.

For years, people around me have told me that I see the good in others.  I have occasionally had to defend myself against any implied accusation of naivety by saying that I am not blind to all the evil in the world - it's just that I have chosen to focus my gaze on all the good because giving anything our attention also gives it energy and I'd rather be feeding the good stuff.  All well and good.

My husband Richard got this blog of mine ready technically over one month ago. He has gone to great lengths to explain to me that the wonderful thing about a blog is that you don't have to do anything at any particular time - you just contribute to your blog when you feel like it.  NO PRESSURE!  He repeated it several times to make sure I got it - and I did get it:  No Pressure. Got that.