Throughout my coaching career, I lost count of the number of times I said that we were Human Beings and not Human Doings. I was right of course but I was missing a big point.
It isn't until I was totally incapable of any 'doing' that I realised its crucial importance. As much as it is limiting and a little sad for me to define myself solely by what I do - mostly by my job - it is impossible for me not to feel diminished in my being when I can no longer do anything.
As a coach, I was already well aware that my self-awareness went way beyond whatever lable I stick on me: coach, wife, mother, friend, colleague, neighbour, middle-aged, female, foreign, etc.. These, important as they are, simply state the obvious. They do not say very much about who I am: my values, my beliefs, my aspirations, my joys, my sorrows, my views, etc.
On the other hand, all my self-awareness and self-knowledge start wearing a little thin when they are not acted upon, not manifested, not lived out. I have been surprised to find out that an essential part of me is the effect I have on the world around me, in other words on what I do and what I say.
This is what I am learning:
- The being that I am is both the mould and the moulding. I am a bit like those pin pictures: as I push against the world I shape it as I am.
- As a Human Being, I exist in a body that is built for action. Stuck in bed in a near comatose state is not what I am made to do. A car is only really a car if it is driven. If it is stuck in a garage all the time it becomes a museum piece without having ever 'lived'.
- Unable to do anything, I retain my status as a human being but I loose my power. Status without power is also lifeless. I might as well be a dummy in a shop window.
- It is impossible for me to engage fully in any 'becoming' without taking action. It is the feedback the world gives me on my actions AND the feedback I give myself that enable my journey. It's really hard to go anywhere if you can't take any action.
- There is peace in Being but there is joy in Doing.
Coaching rightly emphasises taking action. The classic GROW model bears testimony to that. Our clients commit to taking action and they are held accountable for not taking those actions. I do feel however that this emphasis on taking action unwittingly reinforces the idea that taking action is hard. I wish it also reminded us all that taking action is a privilege and a delight. I intend to help my future clients reconnect with that most basic of human yearnings and that most thrilling of human rewards: doing something, and doing it well.
What do YOU think?
Dear Gabrielle,
There is a lot here in this brief piece you have written.
The inability to take action and to 'do' when one is depressed, and the impact of that on one's sense of being, will resonate with many who have been in the same situation, I am sure. Yet the way you have written about 'being' and 'doing' is very thought provoking and has really captured my attention. I get a sense of something running very deep.
Like your previous reader, I was struck with your phrase "Peace in being and Joy in doing". When I first reflected on that phrase, I thought maybe some of the unhappiness in depression comes from the frustration that we still identify 'doing' with a sense of self worth. As aware coaches, could it be that we wish to be happy with simply 'being', yet we live in a western world where we are valued for our achievements, i.e. 'doing', and therefore we experience the tension between these two states?
Sounds reasonable, doesn't it, yet I believe there's something more fundamental. Your example of the car needing to be out of the garage illustrates to me the movement that we experience when 'doing', versus the stagnation that we experience when we are unable to do.
I use stagnation and not stillness specifically because this is how it feels to me. Stagnation suggests a negative feeling, whereas stillness exudes a sense of peace.
Could it be that we are okay with inaction (lack of doing) when we have a choice about whether to act or not, and on those occasions we also have a sense of peace and stillness from being?
Whereas we are not at peace when we have no freedom of choice - when we are unable to be in 'doing mode', as happens when we are depressed. The depression takes away from us the ability to choose and this then profoundly affects our ability to be at peace with simply 'being'.
It's as if the loss of choice over 'doing' undermines our ability to enjoy 'being'. The previous two comments also mention balance and my sense is that we only feel truly happy when we have both being and doing and there is harmony between them both.
This brings me back to coaching our clients. Are we not at least as equally focussed on helping our clients see that choices surround them all the time, and that they have freedom to choose and be in the driving seat … as we are on helping them to develop the skills and confidence to make decisions and take action?
And would you say that it is impossible to be coached when we are depressed, because we do not have that same freedom of choice over whether to take action or not?
What do you say?
Life fluctuates.
There is movement and balance and that balance is itself moving and fluctuating. This change is a constant whether BEING or DOING or BOTH.
The rate of fluctuation can be thought of as the frequency of vibration.
When the frequency is high it can seem that BEING and DOING combine in a kind of peace/stillness/flow and in this state of resonance BALANCE is near perfect.
When the frequency is low the fluctuations seem more distinct; the BALANCE is more like a see-saw and DOING can seem to be very separate and different from BEING. When on a 'low ebb' and experiencing these states separately/alternately there can seem to be something missing.
Well that's enough of my rambling for now.
Go Well Gabrielle
Love the phrase "Peace in being and Joy in doing", I am however curious to wonder that if you don't have Peace in being and you don't have Joy in doing, how and where do you move in order for these to balance. The important thing is the balance and without that perfect balance you cannot experience True Peace or True Joy.
I am wondering whether we turned them around and if we had Peace in doing and Joy in being whether in fact this might be a better balance????!!!!
XX
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