One of the most challenging aspects of my recovery has been, and continues to be, allowing myself to experience what I experience. My great fear has always been to give in because I used to equate it with giving up.

The way I started dealing with depression was by fighting against it with all my strength. As it got deeper, I fought more and more until I eventually ran out of steam. I am now aware that I exhausted myself as much as depression exhausted me.

My problem was this though: if I didn't fight depression, what chances would I have of ever getting better? As is my tendency, I had unwittingly oversimplified my situation by making it a black or white issue. I now know that the way forward is in the shades of grey.

This is what I am learning:

• When the wind blows, getting on my high horse and fighting windmills a la 'Don Quixote' does not work. When a gale comes, fighting even harder works even less. I now get off my horse and let the storm pass...

• When I fight depression with all my strength, not only do I exhaust myself for nothing but I also feed depression my energy thus making it stronger - not me.

• Fear never avoids danger. I always knew that intellectually but I now live it as a powerful truth. Nowadays, I use my fear to prepare myself rather than seek to protect myself against something that has an energy of its own.

• Letting something in does not necessarily mean letting it move in for good. Treating it as a guest - even an unwelcome one - works ultimately better. Treating it as an enemy and barricading myself indoors only means that I end up trapped.

• Continuing with my metaphor, allowing is opening the front door AND the back door. Wallowing is staying in with both doors shut.

• Putting it another way, if allowing is my swimming then wallowing would be my drowning.  Scary or not, the only way I can learn to swim is by allowing.

As a coach, I am looking forward to being a bit like a swimming instructor, encouraging my clients into and/or through the water (including the hot water!) of their life, their work, their relationships, etc. Having got thoroughly wet myself, I will not worry about subconsciously allowing my fear into my coaching - it belongs there, along with my full emotional range. This in turn will make it possible for me to 'hold' my clients' full emotional range.

What do YOU think?