Personality & Character

Personality general definition: the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinctive character.

Personality - psychology: the enduring characteristics and behaviours that comprise a person’s unique adjustment to life, including major traits, interests, drives, values, self-concept, abilities and emotional patterns.

Character vs personality: personality refers to value judgements made about a person’s morals or ethical behaviour, whereas character is the unique way in which each individual thinks, acts, and feels throughout life.

Let’s start at the beginning. Looking at the above definitions and although the following statements appear at first sight to be mutually exclusive, it is immediately apparent to any Bi-Polar Lander that:

It is clear to me that my BPD has not changed the combination of characteristics that make me who I am as a person. For example I was always fascinated by language and foreign languages and I am still the strange individual who will watch Polish or Japanese drama with English subtitles just for the sheer fun of it. Similarly I still enjoy learning about anything new on any subject.

As far as my moral character is concerned, my core values haven’t changed either - I still value LOVE in its deepest sense and RESPECT above anything else. My motivation and purpose in this world have remained the same.

From that point of view I am still very much the same person I always was. Some might even say that I am more myself than I have ever been, no doubt due to the ‘maturing’ (like a good wine) process associated with age. As I am writing this I am about to enter my 73rd year.

However, as far as my adjustment to life and my behaviour are concerned, I cannot deny that my BPD has had a massive impact. In fact I could say that having to live with a chronic illness that, by its very nature, grabs you by the brain and moves you up and down like the proverbial yo-yo, requires a huge amount of self-awareness and - dare I say it - COURAGE. Courage I don’t always have. If I am honest my illness still scares me and my first reaction to many situations is fear. That being said, I am of course aware that ANXIETY is part and parcel of the down depressive side of BPD but I feel weaker than I was before my illness took my life over. As a result, I cannot COUNT on my courage being ALWAYS available.

This lack of guaranteed accessibility has a definite impact on my behaviour because I don’t feel I can commit to anything. I never know what I will be like from one day to the next and I hate being unreliable so I don’t do anything that requires reliability or regularity in the ‘outside world’. As a result, my external life has ‘shrunk’ to attending hospital or dental appointments, with the odd hairdresser appointment thrown in.

Also I am afraid to drive - and another thing that keeps me at home is my discomfort in crowds and my fearful confusion when attempting to make and follow travelling arrangements. I rely entirely on my husband for any travelling we do. In this regard I am definitely NOT the person I used to be. I feel nearly ‘disabled’.

BPD is a powerful illness and it is disabling. It may not change us Bi-Polar Landers at our core but it does affect our ability to deal with certain life situations. At best we can adapt ourselves to those changes and we can accept them. At worst we can end up like Don Quixote fighting windmills…