Blogs

Let me be honest here: I often feel frustrated by all the things I can no longer do. I feel like a useless lump on a regular basis and I catch myself getting on my own nerves more often than I care to admit.  Having said that, there is humour in every situation and I am amused by the new standards I have been forced to adopt.

My new yardstick for achievement isn't what it used to be, that's for sure!

These days, I feel I have something to be really proud of if:

My counsellor J has just started studying for a qualification in CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. My psychiatrist has referred me for CBT so I am very interested in it, both from a personal perspective and from a professional one. There is a very long waiting list for CBT within psychiatric care so this is yet another good opportunity for me to exercise patience...

I have recently returned from a convalescence break in France where my parents (yes, I am lucky to still have my mother and my father) spoiled me rotten, not to mention my sister-in-law who is so generous with me I can hardly believe it. On top of all that, I also managed to see my beloved brother (who travels a lot so he is hard to catch) and my two treasured nephews. Lovely, lovely, lovely!

When many people talk to me about depression, they actually talk about something else. They talk to me about hurt, pain, despair, the healing power of time passing. In short they talk to me about grief. They talk to me about sadness. I do my utmost to stay civil on the inside but inside my blood boils.

Since I have been treated with ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy), many people have asked me questions about it. When I have asked them what they imagined it was, I was horrified to discover that most people's imagined version of ECT bore a strong resemblance to execution by electric-chair!  

Following on from my musings about looking well and the sneaky fears associated with it, I spoke to my counsellor J about what I had written. I think I have mentioned it before but I like J. She doesn't stick me in a 'theoretical box' and we can explore thoughts and feelings together in a way that leads to powerful questions rather than immediate concrete answers.

I have been thinking for a while about something that makes me uncomfortable. As I was getting ready to go up the town for my eye test today, it came sharply into focus (pun unintended): how well dare I look?....

A lot is said and written about living Life in the Fast Lane. I have lost count of the number of articles I have seen in magazines (during my many waiting hours in medical surgeries) that warn us about the dangers of fast living or the excitement of of living a fast life. Let me tell you this - there doesn't feel like there is much danger and even less excitement for me at the moment. I am definitely Living Life in the Slow Lane.

A while back, I described the effect my treatment has had to date as follows:

Please Note: some people may find some of the contents offensive.