Daughter's wisdom

Last week I was worrying about my daughter-in-law's forthcoming visit because she is five months pregnant and I wanted to find a sleeping arrangement that would suit her best. I went through all the possible combinations in my mind many times over.

When I spoke to her about it over the phone, she listened to my ramblings and then she said something unusual:  "Mum", she said, "I think you are over thinking it".

She could have said many things:

• Mum stop fussing
• Stop worrying Mum
• Mum don't make a big such a big deal about it
• There's no need to put yourself under pressure Mum ...

... And many other possibilities, all of which would have had one thing in common: they would have been well-intentioned and yet risked being hurtful because all of them would have made me feel that I was doing something wrong.  As a result, I would have felt bad about feeling bad.

My daughter-in-law, being the wonderful young woman she is, intuitively chose a different wording. Nobody feels bad about over-thinking.  It may be unhelpful but it sounds intelligent!  Hers was such an emotionally neutral way to tell me that I was making a fuss over nothing that it is truly rare.  In that moment, my beautiful daughter acted as my mirror - she reflected what she was hearing so that I could see it for myself without beating myself up about it. That's a real gift.

I love her wording so much that I have added it to my self-awareness tool kit.  When I start feeling anxious about something, I ask myself  'am I over thinking it?' and usually that is EXACTLY what I am doing. The brilliant thing is that I feel OK about it.  I just correct/adapt/tweak my thinking and I get on with my day.

I am fond of saying that our children teach us more than we teach them and my son is the living proof that I am right.  I just feel blessed that he has brought into my life a young woman who is already being one of my beloved teachers.  How lucky is THAT!  :D